Assumptions #7

      The fear of connecting with others seem so prominent especially in todays era. Those run straight to the materialistic prospects of sex, money, and lust. Its not fair to most whom desire and long for a connection like me. I enjoy every relationship I encounter whether it be detrimental or not. It helps me grow as a person from time to time as I navigate each relationship through its variables. Sudden or predicted. Example would be a man I met many days ago whom I believed was attractive, although after studying together once or twice, I've noticed we weren't a good match. Our personalities clashed. My questions hit the drywall. Nothing stuck. The wall would wait for me to ask another question as if it were an interview, so I left it as it is 4/17/2025.

*EDIT: Over the past day I’ve been thinking, though I wasn’t keen to him, I realized why I was attracted to him in the first place. Not just because of his looks, but his confidence. He made the move on asking me whether or not we would like to do something together. I enjoyed that. I wasn’t at all worried if he didn’t like me or not. Uncertainty in relationship status being platonic or romantic is a touchy subject however it shouldn’t be as the best of relationships of any kind are the MOST clear.

I enjoy leading, however when it comes to relationships, I enjoy letting the man take the lead as it is within their nature, and it shows confidence. I've already asked copious of men out and a few relationships have occurred due to my confidence. However, I've noticed that those "men" at the time would have never had the confidence to ask me out in the first place. A past lover I once knew said to me, "I thought you were already in a relationship", "What makes you think that?" I asked. "I don't know, it just seemed like you were". I didn't know how to feel about that answer though I felt flattered. However, it was a hard truth to accept knowing that others own assumptions could sacrifice a greater future. If only you had the faith in yourself to try once... 

   Over time I've started to growingly admire those with confidence and humility, slowly taking on those attributes myself. Though, when connecting with others I'm weary due to my own past. Letting my past tug on me though its already in the past. I can't do anything about it other than move on. Many of us think about that same subject, it just depends on whether or not we connect the past to the future we don't know. Hence destroying our social lives. 

   As of lately,  I've noticed myself expecting lots from others I've just started to get to know. Reading a book my mother gave to me, it read a quote that stuck to me or so I say, struck me.

"Isn't it funny how the same expectation can kill you, over and over again?" (Twenty Something, Ron Lim).

  Expectations seem controversial as everyone has their own. Similar to political opinions, music taste, or any other opinionated subject it has its curves. Although, it's hard to see and expect the best in people, with the regard of the evil that lurks in todays world. Not just around us but within us as our own desire psychologically being power and sex have been perpetuated to the max standard. Quite a few of famous female celebrities are the one's showing most skin, singing and acting of the most vulgar topics. Men differ slightly of this topic, only being basic anatomy of not possessing breasts and a vagina. This blog wasn't to write about the sex injustice within America or whether or not women shouldn't be famous for the amount of skin they feel comfortable showing... it's about the question of if my own, yours, everyone's expectations have gotten so high that loneliness rises only due to our self destruction. Perfecting perfection. My heart hurts knowing. Thinking of what our world could become in the realm of only becoming materialism and pleasure, the main core of our psychology being driven by aggressive tendencies and sex. Neurons used to evoke sexual pleasure are the same neurons toward the development of aggression. It's is fascinating how the two most powerful emotions could be distant cousins of one another, for some, the same family. It all depends on how we let these emotions see us as and how we navigate and control ourselves. My head is starting to ache from all these new experiences but I quite like it, I'm curious as to what the future holds for me. I, in the past, would have never expected this as my current future. I never expected it right.