Initiate #11

        Meeting varieties of people each and every day I have explored many cultures and personalities. With my first college year coming to an end, looking back at the past, acknowledging my growth is at an all time high, almost sufficing my past time activities of creating art and daydreaming. Spreading my vines to a new wall, boundary is an exciting breach of territory but has is downsides of letting the past be and not hinging yourself to it. I've discovered I am a social but personal individual, however I occasionally suffice for people's antisocial behaviors. To initiate conversation and having the other person just answer the question and not rebound your question is a tiresome feeling. I'm tired of bringing up one topic at a time only for it to just be brushed off someone's shoulder and not be reciprocated. It's a conversation not an nag. This feeling is so distinct though so vague, leading you to wonder does this person even like or want to spend time with me, (platonically or romantically)? I've slowly started to confront a friend or two on behaviors I usually let pass under me in the hopes to avoid future confrontation. Realizing this, I've found that having a glimpse of their reaction to confrontation on any issue, big or small, shows a lot about them. Whether they own up to it, take the blame, move on, or blatantly ignore it and or shove it to the side, its an answer. It's a behavior in all of us to avoid danger, its our human nature. Although being a human isn't an excuse for everything, especially miscommunication.

     "How to tell someone to be honest". Its an odd and maladaptive question. When you sit and ask yourself to be honest, it isn't hard. You know yourself best but with others it can be skewed by your own perception of how others think of you. Its all in how you handle yourself socially. You can't change anyone no matter how hard you try. Habits are habits and morals are morals. A decision made the first time can always be made a second time. Not sticking up for you when others disrespect you. Leaving you sitting on a park bench to wait over an hour for them only to find out they forgot about you. It shows how they feel about you. Don't overlook those occurrences. Love in general whether it be for friends or lovers is a touchy subject for most, however when you try to grapple that feeling with someone and they make it complicated, it can be frightening when not properly communicated. 4/29/25 I have one more week left before leaving town, few exams coming up. Can't wait to be home.