Orchids #1

     Over the course of time during my second semester of college, its been quite eventful but not as you think. No parties, no life altering events, just me and my perceptions of life, changing and shaping into something anew. I did flatten my hair today 2/27/25. I forgot how liberating it feels to control how you look. My parents say I look more mature, a different person in other words. Sometimes I want to paint my face, curl my hair, and expose my body through the straps of a party blouse and go off-grid for an hour and party alone. Dancing to music without the care of anyone watching or judging my confidence. Having fun in solitude isn't talked about enough. I would rather imagine myself in a distant universe acting out a music video with the love of my life being a random actor with the music of my choice rather than rot in a room full of other people. The first party I went to, being one hosted by a fraternity at a night club, seeing those bumping to a beat without a care in the world. Not in a fun and carefree way but in just wanting to be there, being seen at the club gave them energy, some status. Its odd what the idea of reputation has become when truly no one cares. 

  2/26/25 I watched the movie Dream Lovers (1993). The movie itself was so incredible, not just because of James Spader. As the watcher you can perceive the fast pace of the movie and its relation to the relationship of both Ray and "Lena". "Don't say that to me" when Ray said "You're beautiful" during their embrace set the tone for the rest of the movie. I didn't notice the subtle hints throughout the film till the nearing end of the movie. I also watched the film Secretary (2002). It was an awakening I never expected, referencing a reddit post I read on other's perspectives and opinions on the film. At the start, the vulnerability and state of Ms. Holloway is apparent with her exit out of a psychiatric hold and the state of her family, both abuse and addiction are at play. Her introduction with Mr. Grey was odd and bumpy, like a road with a lot of potholes of emotional uncertainty. Their relationship takes a turn and the relevance of his love and care for orchids symbolize more than enough within the film. I never viewed love and intimacy in that manner. Breaking the shell of your own resentment toward your most intimate part of yourself. Both discovering who they are, they come together and realize the dynamic of both positions of power and how each of them channel it, toward their physical job and or their self destruction. Love is a touchy subject for everyone as love is one of the most genuine and exceeding emotion. After watching this film, I couldn't look at "explicit" content the same. Apparent by what I mean, the love and care within these videos don't compare to the movie and it has totally changed my perception on love and the way it should be felt, genuine. I am excited to see what the future holds for me as I know a man is living life without the thought of me just yet, but only an imagined blueprint of what I could be. 

                   Walking to lecture earlier today, 2/28/25, I saw a man with a very similar walk to Ray from Dream Lovers (1993). It interesting to compare reality to a film every once in a while, especially when it comes to people interacting. Just within the Chick-Fla line, a blonde woman and a tall thin athletic man started talking. Very few words but the looks on their faces brought the point across for the surrounding audience. Having the ability to admire the world around you is a passion that those take for granted and is used subconsciously. If I have music and feet, I can go anywhere. Countries especially within the Middle East where human rights are stripped, it doesn't give anyone the ability to admire life in the way Americans do. Its a very intriguing thought the way those online perceive "freedom" of speech in our country, rather than in other countries. After these past few days, I have really appreciated life and the start of my second semester is going well, though eventful with 20 credit hours and chunks of sporadic free time.

                

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