Aphenphosmphobia #9

    Sitting in a pale waiting room before a research study, I've rediscovered the sensation of stillness. I haven't felt so still like that in a while. It reminded me of a Breaking Bad episode where the only words written on the script during an intense scene was silence. I enjoyed how there was only one sound, being the AC. It sounded powerful yet serene as it reminded me of distant thunder that passes by on a Sunday afternoon. In my town, thunderstorm warnings have been bombarding on everyday weather reports yet it never actually happens. It seems I've been under the weather and so have a few of my acquaintances. Being a social person, its easy to tell when a situation is "unsociable" 4/23/25. Though with many newly acquainted people, I've discovered the word that some women and men dread to hear about themselves has spilt over into the platonic category. Collecting people like minerals before an art gallery showing, only calling and messaging when you only want to discover new without the anxiety of being alone, showing attention when its only beneficial to you socially. Has the classic sexual term slut become platonic? Can you be a platonic slut?

    It's a gift to meet people, whether it be in person or online, though just like everything, many take advantage of these gifts and blessings. I never understood looking at anything living as an object or a potential opportunity just to gain something out of them. Its scary to observe the world around me and only viewing the outside of people and their behavior, not the inside of their thoughts and true motives. After my past experiences, I've learned a valuable lesson in any relationship whether it be romantic or platonic. If the person themselves don't match in private and public, its not a match. Showering you with romance and new discoveries in private but treating you like every other slutty friend they seem to "own", it leaves you wondering your worth in that relationship. The ultimate fear of intimacy (also known as aphenphosmphobia). No matter the circumstance, the grip of one's own fear, specifically intimacy, spills into their explicit behavior, unconsciously displaying their behavior. Fearing the true identity of people for whom they are when you are already knee deep in the relationship is a conscious thought that lingers in all of us. Human nature is built to protect us, physically, mentally, and emotion. It all just depends on how you use it in your day to day life. Exams are coming up and I am having to list my fridge on Facebook oddly enough. Lets see if it sells.