Inhibited #8

    Its embarrassing to say that you have been overthinking the things around you on the daily. With assignments, people, or simple daily tasks like laundry I've been wrapped up in my head like the knotted sleeve you take off after a long day 4/20/25. Its another thing when one day someone talks to you intimately and the next day they treat you like every other person. Its extremely odd and at the same time infuriates me to know people destroy themselves and the others around them that way through their own actions. I've become mad due to me caring. Bugging me so painstakingly like a plastic tag stuck to a shirt you forgot to take off after you've already put it on. Late to class, sleeping in late, eating less are just a few of the habits I've inhibited lately. Late, lately, its all so late. Is being late normal, though is being on time such a skeeze? 

    After an outing or two, I've noticed people coming in late purposefully to events. To a dinner, a party invite, and a club get together just to name a few. I find it odd its almost always 30-40 minutes after "call time". I can't imagine myself purposefully arriving late and wasting others time just for the sake of others speculations and queries. To look "mysterious" as people call it nowadays. Though what makes you mysterious? Being a putrid person, ignoring peoples messages, skipping calls, rescheduling due to a "random" cause. It makes no sense how the idea of being unavailable both physically and emotionally has become attractive. I see the intriguing aspect but it seems too cold to the touch, something forbidden. My eyelids want to fall off due to the state of my town's dating scene. College students consisting of many realms from single to divorced men in their 30s to the classic 18 to 19 year old teenagers who are their own or fall into the mysterious standards, only to just put "figuring it out" in their dating biography on Hinge. I deleted that app a week or two ago and still think of the bullets I have missed or the potential lovers I'd have grieved if I would've kept that app. Men who haven't got it figured out seem to use  "Figuring it out" as a way to show what they want. Nothing.

    Men and women are complicated as we are both humans however at the end of the day, in relationships, it takes two to tango, literally and figuratively. A man or woman is simple unless you make it complicated. He keeps calling me and acting sweet yet in person he seems distant and cold. Did I do something wrong? Did he lose interest? Putting this kind of complicated behavior in simple terms is like oil and water, it doesn't mix. Having to analyze someone's behavior yet crossing your own in the midst of it is playing with fire and your own self identity. Which in return, fuels your mind into crossbreeding the both of your guys' behavior. If he didn't text me for 2 days, I won't take him back for 2 days too. This ultimately leads you to normalizing their behavior by making up excuse for that person and justifying their behavior for them treating you that way. It isn't fair to know that your mind can destroy itself over thinking of another mind you have no control of. Control is what keeps humans thriving, however it just depends if you use it detrimentally or not. For relationships of any kind, my mothers advice, it should be easy. My dads advice, it should be easy. Separate phone calls, separate times of the day my parents both said the same thing. Together for more than 25 years. Some of the best advice anyone could ever receive. Lots of exams coming up, not excited but in a few weeks I will be home. Home sweet sweet home and a start to another fruitful division.