Innards #16

     Oh it has been quite a long few months. (11/26/25) I have actively forgotten about writing and its benefits, this is as to why I am back, so late. I finished majority of my classes with only 2 classes left on Dec. 1st. I got a job in the meantime a few months back being an organic superfood cafe job. It is quite productive yet relaxed mentally. However, over the course of a few weeks, my one of a kind coworkers decided I washed the dishes and swept. Odd for them to assume, so I gave them attitude and it seems their assumption has changed. During this time I have discovered a distinct and revengeful feeling of just letting life lead me. I developed a habit of virtually no expectations for anything or anybody. However that has changed over the course of getting to know somebody. I won't get in depth on this relationship and its innards, but I've discovered in myself that when I find any source of sudden or newfound stability I lose that sense of letting life lead me. Only letting that long drawn out sense bred in past relationship lead me, known as, emotional invalidation. Such fancy words but very true and uncommon words spoken among us today. Though it may seem everybody today is happy and are able to fix and observe their mistakes in this new era of understanding, I believe it is the opposite in the light of acceptance. 

    Accepting one for an eating disorder, accepting one for being a cheater, accepting one for being emotionally dependent. It makes me wretch from the inside out of how privileged our human race has become with the technology we created to only make "life easier", but its only seemingly gets harder. A job, shifts, a schedule, an education, a career. Survival being one word has now become a multi-layered wedding cake rotting away with its buttercream frosting slowly falling to reveal us. A mirror, ourselves staring back at us yet we point the finger and blame the other one on the other side.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dicey #13

    The tug and pull epidemic. To lust over the rush of chasing a feeling, a daydreamed attraction you believe is happening on the other end. I've definitely seen this happen, felt it, and have observed what others have done to keep it in the loop. Does it make anyone happy to be in one these, a loop? No destination but always the same path. Path consisting of behavior, thoughts, and tendencies. I've memorized it already. Pull and tug, pull and tug. Now you are starting to guess what this is about. I'm still thinking about the true message of this however take it as you will. You tattle on yourself. It's obvious in what you do and if you think others don't know what you are doing think more than twice. Don't forget, those around you don't just have eyes but minds to think. With that, they live in the same realm called earth and media. Just like you. You aren't any different because of your own DNA but by your own choices you use to navigate social life w...
Read more

Initiate #11

         Meeting varieties of people each and every day I have explored many cultures and personalities. With my first college year coming to an end, looking back at the past, acknowledging my growth is at an all time high, almost sufficing my past time activities of creating art and daydreaming. Spreading my vines to a new wall, boundary is an exciting breach of territory but has is downsides of letting the past be and not hinging yourself to it. I've discovered I am a social but personal individual, however I occasionally suffice for people's antisocial behaviors. To initiate conversation and having the other person just answer the question and not rebound your question is a tiresome feeling. I'm tired of bringing up one topic at a time only for it to just be brushed off someone's shoulder and not be reciprocated. It's a conversation not an nag. This feeling is so distinct though so vague, leading you to wonder does this person even like or want to spend time ...
Read more

Assumptions #7

      The fear of connecting with others seem so prominent especially in todays era. Those run straight to the materialistic prospects of sex, money, and lust. Its not fair to most whom desire and long for a connection like me. I enjoy every relationship I encounter whether it be detrimental or not. It helps me grow as a person from time to time as I navigate each relationship through its variables. Sudden or predicted. Example would be a man I met many days ago whom I believed was attractive, although after studying together once or twice, I've noticed we weren't a good match. Our personalities clashed. My questions hit the drywall. Nothing stuck. The wall would wait for me to ask another question as if it were an interview, so I left it as it is 4/17/2025. *EDIT: Over the past day I’ve been thinking, though I wasn’t keen to him, I realized why I was attracted to him in the first place. Not just because of his looks, but his confidence. He made the move on...
Read more