Bryn's Convicted Croutons

         Meeting varieties of people each and every day I have explored many cultures and personalities. With my first college year coming to an end, looking back at the past, acknowledging my growth is at an all time high, almost sufficing my past time activities of creating art and daydreaming. Spreading my vines to a new wall, boundary is an exciting breach of territory but has is downsides of letting the past be and not hinging yourself to it. I've discovered I am a social but personal individual, however I occasionally suffice for people's antisocial behaviors. To initiate conversation and having the other person just answer the question and not rebound your question is a tiresome feeling. I'm tired of bringing up one topic at a time only for it to just be brushed off someone's shoulder and not be reciprocated. It's a conversation not an nag. This feeling is so distinct though so vague, leading you to wonder does this person even like or want to spend time ...

    Its becoming hard to sleep at night, especially with the second semester of my first year of college coming to an end... Pondering about the highlights or detriments of your day. You plan and look forward yet due to the past, overthinking becomes more and more prominent. Lovers, friends, even newly found acquaintances, the fear of ghosting appears. I discovered a new word just recently known as caspering, like Casper the pale cute ghost we've all watched when we were younger. Though, it isn't cute. The word means, when someone your dating or getting to know texts back and forth but has no intention of ever actually seeing you in the future or again if you have already met. I worry about others actions yet I know there is nothing for me to do to control it, that's life. I enjoy not being able to control others in everyday social life, it helps me be more adaptable and grow socially however in other cases I do want to control others, only to make my own life easier. New l...

    Sitting in a pale waiting room before a research study, I've rediscovered the sensation of stillness. I haven't felt so still like that in a while. It reminded me of a Breaking Bad episode where the only words written on the script during an intense scene was silence. I enjoyed how there was only one sound, being the AC. It sounded powerful yet serene as it reminded me of distant thunder that passes by on a Sunday afternoon. In my town, thunderstorm warnings have been bombarding on everyday weather reports yet it never actually happens. It seems I've been under the weather and so have a few of my acquaintances. Being a social person, its easy to tell when a situation is "unsociable" 4/23/25. Though with many newly acquainted people, I've discovered the word that some women and men dread to hear about themselves has spilt over into the platonic category. Collecting people like minerals before an art gallery showing, only calling and messaging when you only ...

    Its embarrassing to say that you have been overthinking the things around you on the daily. With assignments, people, or simple daily tasks like laundry I've been wrapped up in my head like the knotted sleeve you take off after a long day 4/20/25. Its another thing when one day someone talks to you intimately and the next day they treat you like every other person. Its extremely odd and at the same time infuriates me to know people destroy themselves and the others around them that way through their own actions. I've become mad due to me caring. Bugging me so painstakingly like a plastic tag stuck to a shirt you forgot to take off after you've already put it on. Late to class, sleeping in late, eating less are just a few of the habits I've inhibited lately. Late, lately, its all so late. Is being late normal, though is being on time such a skeeze?       After an outing or two, I've noticed people coming in late purposefully to events. To a dinner, a par...

      The fear of connecting with others seem so prominent especially in todays era. Those run straight to the materialistic prospects of sex, money, and lust. Its not fair to most whom desire and long for a connection like me. I enjoy every relationship I encounter whether it be detrimental or not. It helps me grow as a person from time to time as I navigate each relationship through its variables. Sudden or predicted. Example would be a man I met many days ago whom I believed was attractive, although after studying together once or twice, I've noticed we weren't a good match. Our personalities clashed. My questions hit the drywall. Nothing stuck. The wall would wait for me to ask another question as if it were an interview, so I left it as it is 4/17/2025. *EDIT: Over the past day I’ve been thinking, though I wasn’t keen to him, I realized why I was attracted to him in the first place. Not just because of his looks, but his confidence. He made the move on...

     After quite some time being out and about, hearing those around me experience love and a date or two, I gave in. Downloaded an app and hoped for the best. Its awfully similar to grocery shopping which is disappointing to say. Disappointing in regards to viewing others for how they look and not always their interests. After 2 days, I matched with a boy named Mason. Year older than me and a fitness trainer. Similar hobbies so I went for it, date was set, 4/2/2025.Walking into the coffee shop, dreading the number three to hit on the clock as I sat, sitting pretty drinking a chai latte. "You are very pretty" was told to me by the lady at the register, then writing "You've got this!:)" on the side of my paper coffee cup as I told her about the occasion. Five minutes went by, wasn't worried, traffic was bad. Ten minutes went by, I texted my mother. Fifteen minutes went by, I left. I was stood up on the date for the first time. Checking the messages on the app...